Darkest Tears
by Archangel-Rem
Summary: A poem for Akito-sama PG for a few words and scary subjects


Disclaimer: I don't own FB ;;  
  
Authoress Note: This is just a rambling poem I wrote for Akito-sama. It's really sad. ;;  
  
Darkest Tears  
  
I rouse myself from blissful repose  
  
Opening ebony eyes up to another day  
  
I rest in silence with only my heart  
  
Wondering just how long it will stay  
  
I ponder, staring up at the ceiling  
  
Wondering, pondering, how long that beat  
  
Shall force the crimson poison through me  
  
That for so long has given my body heat  
  
My breath comes slowly, to fill reluctant lungs  
  
I sigh and tear my eyes from up above  
  
And look about me as if something a had changed  
  
But, alas, it is the same room, devoid of any love  
  
The walls are empty save one work of art  
  
There are few items to break the barren floor  
  
Nothing fills this void air save my single friend  
  
My fine feathered friend that flutters through the door  
  
He perches effortlessly, looking about him suspiciously  
  
Then cautiously dips down his snowy head to drink  
  
And with a gleeful chirp my way, he's gone  
  
He leaves me in silence again to think  
  
During these times I think of many a thing  
  
Of how wondrous the sun would feel  
  
How nice it would be to run in the spring air  
  
But these things are dreams, they'll never be real  
  
I force myself with all my might, upright  
  
My muscles aching from this grueling test  
  
My throat closes with pain and I strain  
  
To pull air into my compressed chest  
  
For a moment I sit, hesitating, waiting  
  
As I cannot push my pounding heart too far  
  
But as I rest, a taste wells up into my mouth  
  
And leaves another stain on my bed, one more crimson scar  
  
Wheezing, my lung open and fill themselves again  
  
I glance upon the silent door, no one came  
  
No one heard me in my strife and came to aid  
  
But whether they did or not made no difference all the same  
  
The damage was done, my disease had won  
  
And soon would come again and again relentlessly  
  
Until I am deprived of breath and beat  
  
And lay within my grave, wordlessly  
  
The silence of my room is deafening  
  
And my thoughts of freedom enter my mind  
  
A blackness arrives and I fall, screaming, streaming  
  
Into my world of dreaming, everything left behind  
  
But even here in my wistful world of wishes  
  
There is one thing I cannot seem to change  
  
Even in my subconscious mind, there's no one there  
  
To be happy, but alone, it seems a little strange  
  
If only I could somehow alter this horrid fact  
  
And have someone here to understand  
  
I would gladly give up all my wealth  
  
My freedom and everything I am  
  
As I float back into the world of the living  
  
Where merely a half of my tortured soul resides  
  
Where the dreams, they seem so real  
  
And reality is so painful, it's hard to decide  
  
Whether to let go and fall away  
  
To fade into the eternal blackness of death  
  
Or to hold on to what I have remaining  
  
To not let go till my last possible breath  
  
With the rustle of magenta and purple silks  
  
I pick myself up from where I lay  
  
And make my way on hands and knees  
  
To a brighter place I can stay  
  
I lay my form upon the waxen wood  
  
And rest my head upon a folded arm  
  
I close my eyes and drift in delight  
  
Of the day, all sunny and warm  
  
At moments like these are when I feel  
  
Something somewhere close to joy  
  
And I cling mercilessly to that emotion  
  
To keep my soul from being destroyed  
  
But this wondrous feeling, it soon fades  
  
It leaves before too long, and I beg for return  
  
But it's gone and will not come back  
  
It has left my rage and envy to burn  
  
My hatred from the lowest circles  
  
That only my fear alone can surpass  
  
I writhe within the inferno of my mind  
  
That burn away and leave me gray as ash  
  
The ash that makes the land wasteful  
  
That leaves nothing but tones of death  
  
I've destroyed more than I could ever know  
  
And more pain comes with each breath  
  
All I know is deathly black and gray  
  
And pain, and hatred, and sorrow  
  
All around me, all I see I cannot have  
  
I one day won't even have the morrow  
  
I'm in a world of deprived plenty  
  
A luscious land of shattered bone  
  
Everything I have I do not want  
  
Everything I desire I cannot own  
  
For me, there is nothing I can hold dear  
  
I am left upon the shore of disease  
  
Sprawled across the sands of splintered lives  
  
The sanguinary froth lapping at my feet  
  
Before I realize it, I'm being strangled  
  
Struggling just below the shimmering crest  
  
I fight to reach the surface, safety, salvation  
  
My strength failing, falling to the pain in my chest  
  
So I drift, suspended, sustained, remaining  
  
Only by my body's weakening will to live  
  
I'm wrapped with the coils of death and illness  
  
My body without anything left to give  
  
I drown, taking the bloody sea into my lungs  
  
But I still remain, alive, I'm still the same  
  
My beating heart remains just as hollow  
  
Inside my still pale and sickly frame  
  
My hands are still shaking with resist  
  
The numb of the end doesn't send me reeling  
  
Yet my eyes become too misted to see  
  
I speak silent words toward the ceiling  
  
My chest is racked with violent tension  
  
While my mind's lost in my dreams  
  
I cannot feel my life slowly slipping  
  
But I'm deafening my ears with my screams  
  
But even though I call for aid  
  
While my crimson tears do flow  
  
No matter how I try and convince myself  
  
In my heart, I will always know  
  
Wherever I am within this life  
  
I will forever rest in solitude  
  
That fuels my ever burning rage  
  
Gives my shadows where I can brood  
  
Where I can scream and cry and hate  
  
Whomever I damn well please  
  
I can take all the medication I need  
  
To put my tortured soul at ease  
  
I will be left in my underwater world  
  
Where I teeter between this life and the next  
  
Where I must linger and suffer some more  
  
Before I can finally be put to rest  
  
But even if I reach my Nirvana  
  
Where my endless pain will finally desist  
  
I guess now there's no use in trying  
  
There's no reason left to resist  
  
But will my soul truly find its paradise  
  
If I pass in this lonesome hating place  
  
If as I fade, I do not see  
  
The tearful smile on someone's face  
  
For to die alone, without a hand to hold  
  
That thought stirs my darkest fears  
  
But to die, forgotten, without a soul who cares  
  
That thought stirs in me, my darkest tears  
  
Another Authoress Note:   
  
Rem: I LOVE AKITO-SAMA! ::cries:: I'll die with you! ::pulls out a dagger:: OH HAPPY DAGGER!! ::stabs herself in the heart::   
  
Akito: oO Strange, rabid fangirl.   
  
Rem: Oh, you're alive? ::bleeding all over the place::  
  
Akito: ::moves away so his kimono won't get stained:: yeah . . .   
  
Rem: Damn ::dies::  
  
Akito: Oo Ooooook then. Well I hope you like her poem, I sure did. 


End file.
